Ready or Not
When Retirement Community Living is the Right Choice
By Cheryl A. Kuba, MA
Aging Parent Solutions

“I’m not ready.” If you are an adult child with aging parents who need to make a lifestyle change because of declining health, maybe you’ve already heard those four little protest words “But, I’m not ready” followed by… “for that kind of lifestyle.” Or, “But, I’m not ready – I don’t like change. I don’t want to make a move, or alter anything that I am doing!”

Helping our parents make choices about where they want to live out the last chapters of their lives doesn’t have to be a tug of war. After all, freedom of choice is the granddaddy of all freedoms – followed closely by, freedom to live where we want to live; freedom of speech; and freedom to live our lives unconditionally with those we love.

The freedom to move, or to stay put in our own homes becomes compromised for any of us when our own health and physical capabilities decline with age. There are 22.4 million Americans receiving some form of assisted care in their homes. Today’s elderly face tough choices as the home where they have lived for 60 years becomes unmanageable with maintenance issues, or if the physical layout with stairs and multi-level living areas present safety issues and challenges to mobility.

Find out what’s really going on.

Why all the resistance? It’s called fear and frustration. Whether we are sending our kids off to kindergarten or college, they have reservations about what life will be like ‘away.’ Will they make new friends? Will they learn the schedule? What if the food is awful?
Our elderly parents may be harboring the same fears – coupled with the realization that they are stuck in a body that has physical limitations. Their physical body is not cooperating with their intentions. It is the single reason that they can’t get up the stairs, and why they verbally repeat their needs a dozen times. “I need to be at the doctor’s office at 2:00pm.” “Will you be here at 1:30?” But what’s driving that fear, is not only the chipping away of physical capabilities, but also the threat of losing the freedom of choice.

What is their biggest fear about retirement living?

Tune into the fact that your mom and dad have a mental picture on their back burner. This snapshot is subliminally telling them that this new residence may be the last place that they will live – or the last stop. On the surface, they will participate in the retirement community’s open house, the educational seminars and the tours. But underneath it all, they still hesitate.


In some cases an elderly individual who is ‘testing the waters’ about moving to a retirement community will hunt for any excuse to not make it work. At GlynnDevins, (www.glynndevins.com) a full-service marketing agency for retired senior living communities, Director of Public Relations, Randy Eilts has observed many potential retirement community residents looking for an out. “Some individuals are operating from the brass ring of denial. They’ll become more nitpicky about amenities in the community. Or, they’ll say it’s too expensive, or that the transportation isn’t adequate.” Eilts added, “For others, the idea of moving after living in one place for 40 years is overwhelming.”

Knowing they are not alone

If an aging parent has reservations about making the transition to a continuing care retirement community, the best way to calm their fears is to share the orientation with others. When like-minded people seek information together, many of their fears are alleviated because of ‘power of the group.’ “There is self validation,” according to Eilts. “They know that others are making these decisions, too. Their peers are in the same situation.”

Lisa Sneddon, Senior Living Experts, www.SeniorLivingExperts.com,has encountered both resistance from individuals contemplating a move to retirement living, as well as many positive success stories. “I reassure them that most everyone I work with says the same thing. I also let them know that these same people often tell me after they move in that they ‘should have done this years ago.’"

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